There is peace for troubled hearts

This is my Dad.  I feel so proud of him!  This man has been through so much! He was hit by a drunk driver about 21ish years ago and has suffered through permanent consuquences.  Two failed ablations, both of which resulted in more permanent health consequences.  He has gone through ARDS which again was brought on not by himself.  Then a massive hemorrhagic stroke. And epilepsy.  And----well that list is bad enough.  But tonight as I was visiting with my Dad, I was really struck by how incredible it is that even after all that, he can still sit and laugh at jokes, he will still go out and talk to people, he still does things!  I am amazed! 

We were talking tonight how believers in Christ will see something happen and hopefully will recognize it as a miracle while those who aren't believers will see a miracle and may only call it a coincedence.  I am so thankful to have a testimony of Jesus Christ and I am grateful for the daily miracles in all our lives!  I am thankful to belong to parents who recognize that He blesses us with those daily miracles.  I am absolutely certain it is impossible for me in my mortal state to recognize completely all He does, but I know and I testify of His involvement in our everyday lives.  I firmly believe there is eternal consuqeunce and relevance in our every-day lives.  I know the choices I make today are important for my future, but I also know that I am not expected to be perfect.  But our perfect Father in Heaven and our Savior Jesus Christ provided a perfect plan for each individual with the opportunity to repent. 

I know my Dad's life does matter to Heavenly Father and it certainly matters to me!  Even though my Dad can't do what he used to do I know there is purpose and happiness and joy to be felt in his life.  As I look at my blog and see the google search terms that lead some people to it, I feel a little like crying for some of them!  One person who visited several pages on my blog found it by typing "People who have watched loved ones suffer hemorrhagic stroke".  I don't know who that is, of course, but I pray for you!  I don't understand strokes, I don't understand why we can send rockets to Mars but we can't fix a brain.  I know that our Lord knows all the answers and does have the power to heal, and that we have to figure out how to get through each day, and hopefully with cheer, while we wait.

I want to tell you that you are not alone in your suffering.  Your Father in Heaven hears your prayers and He knows the thoughts and intents of your heart.  He sent His Son, Jesus Christ--the only Begotten!--to Atone for the pains of mortality.  It is hard and it is shattering sometimes, but it is worth it to press on and trust in the Lord.  The comfort available through trust on the Lord is incredible.  His yoke is easy, and His burden is light!  He calls "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest".  I believe that is true.  Please call on the name of Jesus Christ in your trials, in your suffering.  He will heal the wounded soul.  He truly can!

I am thankful I get to keep this blog.  Really even if it is only so that I will sit down once in a while and write out my testimony of the Savior then it is worth it for me.  I do love Jesus Christ, I am thankful to be a Christian and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am thankful I was able to gain my testimony by sincerely praying and asking and that is the way for anyone who wants to know to find out for themselves.

Thanks for reading!  A lot of love to you all and good night!

Hmmm

I was sitting in church yesterday and I had the thought that if I knew the end from the beginning, if I knew the strengths and weaknesses I started with compared with the strengths I have and will gain as I go through life, I bet I would not want to change the middle.   I know that God sees the end from the beginning, he knows what the outcomes and end results will be and I believe that all that happens in the in-between is what makes us who we are.  I believe this life is for us to be polished and refined, to learn lessons and to serve God and man.  I am not sure why it takes a hemorrhagic stroke to teach things to some people what others learn in a different way but I am certain that our loving Heavenly Father knows best how to allow us opportunities for growth and learning.


There is a family we go to church with whose dad ahad a  stroke three days after my Dad, and like my Dad, now has a traumatic brain injury.  I am reminded that so many people are in the furnace of affliction and my hope is that all people will come to the feet of the Savior and feast on His love!  He has the power to heal our wounded hearts.  He gives hope and peace!

Tea Party

Not long ago my daughter Charity asked me to call "Ya Ya" (that is what she calls my Mom) and she invited Ya Ya and Poppy over to have a "real tea party."  Peach Pie (what I call Charity) got a tea set for Christmas and has hosted many a pretend tea party.  When she invited Ya Ya and Poppy over they came and we all sat down to a fantastic tea party meal!

That day some "cawn bread" and delish pinto beans cooked by Uncle Neil came via UPS from Georgia and really made the tea party food!  My Mom always says our corn bread in the west is more like corn cake, moist and sugary.  I guess I was raised up in the west so that is what I love!  This "real" Georgia "cawn" bread was not sweet but it was delicious!

Poppy trying to put a lid on the pretend food Peach Pie brought him

That day we ended up having a dance party up in PP's room which was filled with balloons from a birthday party.  We all enjoyed having Poppy and it always means a lot to me to see the effort he puts into being the fun guy that he is!  I know my children will have a lot of fun memories with him, just like I do!

Great memories such as this!  A few summers back my Dad was training Sofie to run and jump over a pole that was set up on top of paint cans.  My little girl loved watching him do that!  Pretty sure he loved having someone who would watch Sofie do that trick all day.

It is amazing all that he could get Sofie to do!  That little doggie would do anything for him, I think.  He really has put a lot of time into training her up well.  The weekend before his hemorrhagic stroke, Eve James and her girls came to drop something off for my Mom.  While they were there my Dad made Sofie perform every trick she knows to their delight!  I heard about that from my Dad and later on heard about that from Eve.  I know my Dad really enjoys showing his dog off to anyone who will listen!  He is such a Boston Terrier nut! I think about 1/3 of his conversations revolve around Sofie.  I can't count the number of times he has stared at her and said "That is such a beautiful dog."  He really has to stop everyone he sees with a Boston Terrier.  I guess the Boston dog owners are all that way.

Once at Liberty Park a woman stopped my Dad and got so excited about Sofie she actually got on the grass and rolled around with the dog!  It was embarrassing!  After that my Dad agreed to tone down his interactions with stranger's dogs.  :)  Thank goodness he never did that!

Medications and oddity

Ever since the day of seizures, things have been weird.  I ask myself: how can you tell things are weird? and I just don't know the answer.  Things are strange enough already.  One thing that has factually changed since then are Dad's meds.  He went from getting off one seizure medication to being put on another while in the hospital only to find out that one won't work and to be switched again.  The doctor pumped his system full of the medication that ultimately didn't work out (Keppra) in order to quickly build it up.  But then, of course,  that "I have to mention this, but only one in a million people have this complication and I don't think it will be him" warning worked out to be him and so came the switch to Vimpat. He was pumped up with that.  Since his system had built up to the Keppra he had to be weaned off of it.  He is done with the Keppra and onto only taking Vimpat to maintain his epilepsy.  All of this leaves me to wonder if things have been different because he is hopped up on so many medications, or if something changed with the seizure, and on and on I wonder.  But I am contented right now to know God is in charge of all of this.  

People would say "it could be worse" while he was recovering from his hemorrhagic stroke.  I would reply "Well I don't want to know how they could be worse because this is pretty rough already!"  I know that is true though.  It could be!  So I am so thankful for all of his amazing abilities and the ways in which he is able to participate and contribute.  But since the seizures, he has been so confused.  He doesn't remember what has happened to him or that he has had a stroke.  He doesn't remember the reason his tongue is all cut up and flappy.  He needs to have all of that repeatedly explained to him.  

I will always love my Dad.  I know he will always be my Dad and I am so happy I get to associate with him.  I like to remind him when he gets down the the most important things about him remain the same!  His love, his faith, his joy in helping and serving others, his good heart and caring nature, are all things that are untouched!  I was looking at my Dad last night while he was sleeping in his chair.  I know these trials and circumstances are not unique to us in any way, shape, or form.  But I also know that the commonality does not make it trivial or easy.  He has a brain injury!  Wow!  This was not expected!  I look at him now and I love him so much!  I love him as is and I love him more than ever!  So much of him is gone though.  He is not "all there."  He has a hole in his brain.  

I realize this seems silly to say, but I miss my Dad!  Last week I was looking at a picture of him and I could remember what he was saying to me as I was taking it.  I remember the circumstance and the day very well.  It was not too long before his massive stroke in July 2010.  Looking at it, remembering the way he used to speak to me vs. the way he does now made me a little sad.  But I don't want to be sad, I want to be useful and happy!  Dwelling on my feelings of sad is not as important as furthering my knowledge of God's love.  Looking at my Dad, I realize I am excited for the Resurrection when the spirits of all people will be restored to their working bodies. What a marvelous gift and event we all have to look forward to thanks to our Savior Jesus Christ!

Ever since my Dad had ARDS and was intubated in the MICU for weeks and weeks, I have really felt that each day we have, and each opportunity to create a happy memory is a gift.  It is a gift to have health, to have family, to have love.  I want to be a better mother, to do more for my children.  To be a better wife and daughter and sister and friend.  When I am an old lady somewhere, I know the things I will reflect on with pleasure will be my testimony of the Lord's gospel and the relationships I cultivated and worked on.  My husband, children, parents, siblings, friends.  These events in my Dad and family's lives have helped me remember to treat others with more kindness.  An annoying cliche is that you never know a man's life until you've walked a mile in his shoes.  That is true and so I hope and pray I can go forward in life remembering to be kind and loving and give without holding back and help where I can, remembering that we are all in this life together.

Isaiah 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Dad and Auntie Sue

I am fortunate enough to live close to a few of my few cousins.  Last night while my husband was studying (he is starting school this semester for his MBA) I went out with two of them and had a great time!  We stopped by a store where my cuz Kristin bought a five string pearl necklace and she wore it when we went out afterwards for pie and hot chocolate.  (She says the pearls are what got us the great service).  Kristin's mom Susan is my Dad's oldest sibling, only sister.

While talking to my cousins last night I realized something. WOW! A lot of people have been affected by this whole hemorrhagic stroke business!

Whenever we are together, Aunt Sue is so nice to my Dad.  Despite her own health, she gets up to get him food and drinks.  They sit around and laugh.  She cracks jokes with him and listens to him talk in circles sometimes.  My observation is that she treats him like gold.  As though he were the most important person in the world to her.  I love her for that.  I love her anyway!  But I do appreciate the effort she puts into making him feel valued and important to her.

Over hot chocolate Kristin said to me that my Auntie Sue is "devastated".  That has stayed with me all day.  That is a big word to throw out there, but I know it is true of many, especially Mom and Dad.  Ever since his stroke and consequent TBI I have had to leave the "why" question alone.  I will do no exploring there.  I don't understand this at all but one very important thing I do understand: that we do have a God in heaven and He is mindful of us.  Nothing else matters.  If I can put my energy into understanding the Lord's gospel better rather than wondering why this happened,  then that can be a silver lining in this cloud.

It wasn't that long ago that we were calling him for help with installing or fixing or moving or errands.  It is strange to think back to only a few months ago.  Daddy-o has been a very successful individual from his family to his faith to his career and beyond.

Kristin asked me what she could pray for.  I said that a great thing to ask Heavenly Father for is a hobby for my Dad.  Something he can really get into and enjoy doing with his present abilities.  Everyone of us wants to feel the needed that we are.  I really pray for my Dad, and that all of us around him may be inspired to help him find something he will like and take interest in.

Come what may and love it!

My Dad has always been so nice to me!  I really can look back and say I don't remember him ever being mean to me.  He has really troubled himself to be an ideal dad for all of his children.  My four brothers and I really have a great Dad!!!  One thing that always gets us laughing is to sit around and reminisce. About a month ago, my Mom's sister Wendy and brother Neil were visiting from Georgia.  It was so fun!!!  I wondered as they left why we got into the past while they were here and listening, and all the pranks, mistakes, and trouble!  But heck, its who we are and we might as well laugh!  We were raised by good parents who did their best to raise us well.  Their best was excellent!  I believe they took the pains to teach us what was right and wrong, to teach us to serve others and to do so by example.  I can remember several Christmases heading over to Sister Bowen's house to put up lights.  Going with my Dad to visit Dale Randall when he fell off a ladder and sustained a brain injury.  Learning from him as he was scoutmaster.  He helped turn his sister's basement into a bedroom for her son.  Dad was always ready to help people out with computer problems.  He has always taken time out to play with my children and show them new things like painting and wind chimes.  I really could go on listing things all day!  

He has been a very loving and kind grandpa too!  I feel so blessed that my children get to have him for their Poppy, stroke or no stroke!  I have mentioned before and I do so again-even with a brain injury, the important things about my Dad are still there.  His heart, his love, his desire to serve and help other people is still whole!  I would say I have been extremely fortunate being raised by such a Dad.  Although I do miss the Dad that was, I love the Dad that is.  He is a beautiful, marvelous person.  As I heard my Aunt Wendy say to my daughter on her recent visit "We can be happy!"  Even though things are different, hard, new, and sometimes strange, we can be happy.  We can look forward with hope and thanksgiving at the future and know it will be bright.  Joseph B. Wirthlin says "Come what may, and love it!"  That is what we try to do, every day. To love whatever comes our way.  To trust in God enough to be thankful for everything that happens to make us stronger and better people.

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!

From Him I'll gain my fondest dream;

And while I strive through grief and pain,

His voice is heard: "Ye shall obtain."

I believe in Christ; so come what may,

With Him I'll stand in that great day

When on this earth He comes again

To rule among the sons of men.