Hello....again!
Quite clearly adjusting to my wonderful life with three children has taken . . . a LONG time! My baby is now almost nine months old, and I have really been feeling like I need to get back on and post things. Then today I got a wonderful letter from someone who found this blog.
THANK YOU!!! Thank you for your letter. Thank you! I appreciate it so much. So much more than I can say!
This is the scripture that is brought to my mind, when I learn of others who are struggling.
John 11:33-34
When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,
And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.
Jesus wept.
Oh, it is wonderful, that he should care for me, enough to cry with me!
He does! The Savior does know, and He does care. I am so comforted by these scriptures in the story of the death and raising of Lazarus. Even though the Savior knew that Lazarus was about to be made alive again through the power of God, He was troubled, and mourned with those who were mourning. I love His kind compassionate example of crying with those made sorrowful by the passing of Lazarus.
So my anonymous friend, I mourn with you!! Today I cry with you.
I understand your feeling of the loss of your father. I feel that I have lost my father as well. What is left of him is pretty hard to understand or translate into the dad he was to me all my life before his stroke in 2010.
Did I ever write about the experience I had, when a neighbor came and asked me all sorts of personal questions? Questions I avoided answering by responding to her with questions?? I don't remember if I did. But often I feel so sad for her, for her misunderstanding of the value of life and the worth of the soul. She said to me that day "Don't you just wish now that you had let your dad die?" My answer: No. I don't think we really had much to do with that decision anyway. Besides that, I'm what you'd call pro-life. Part two of that answer: I feel like crying. I really felt like crying as she went on, unsolicited, explaining how we were cruel to opt for the surgery, and how she hopes if she is ever in that situation that her family will make a more loving choice than we did.
I don't know what the point of his life is now. I don't! Sometimes I think he had to survive that ordeal for the sake of his family. But if just for that, if it's just for the people around him, then he actually is doing a lot of good, just by being alive!
Walking around Costco with him, he found multitudes of people to talk to and one lady said to him "So you can't read, so what? So you can't write, SO WHAT? God could have made you die before you got to that ER. Quit thinking about what you can't do, and enjoy what you can do!"
Dieter F. Uchtdorf said "The Lord uses a scale very different from the world's to weigh the worth of a soul." (Here is a link to the wonderful talk he gave on that!)
My anonymous friend, I am sorry your father can't talk. My dad talks way too much, but I am grateful that he can communicate through words, even if he uses 100 words when one word will do. I am sorry for the devastation and the sadness this has brought.
I can promise you that the Resurrection is not just some nice story, some myth, some thing that we tell each other on Sunday's and Easter to make ourselves feel better. It won't be like Shrek, with us just learning to be happy living forever in bodies with problems. I do testify to all that it is REAL. The Savior died upon the cross, and that dying did in fact bring new birth when he was Resurrected on the third day.
I would feel . . . desperate. Hopeless. Fearful. Worried. Anxious. Depressed without my knowledge of Jesus Christ and His gospel. If a person doesn't know it, they can learn about it. If a person doesn't have a testimony, they pray and ask for one. If a person isn't living it, they can start. There is so much hope and brightness brought through the Gospel, through the Savior. He IS the LIGHT OF THE WORLD. He is the light of the world. He is the light!!!
I love Jesus Christ, and I am thankful that because of Him my brothers and I will have "our dad" back once more. My mom will have her husband, his siblings will have their brother. You will also have your father back, and it will be marvelous!
____________________________________________________
PS You said you were looking for ways to help him improve. I know you work to show your father love and patience, and I try to do that too! But the one significant thing that has really made me go "wow, he's changing for the better in some ways" is this: my mom took him off of all unnecessary medications. Maybe she could write a piece about that experience that I'll post here.
Thanks so much for your recent post! Congratulations on your 3rd baby! What a blessing! Thanks also for your uplifting words and the Scripture verses you shared! Like I said before, I am completely trusting in God and I know that He is GOOD...ALWAYS! :) I would love to say more , ask more, comment more,but we have to get to bed, we leave for the weekend tomorrow. I just had to thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to reply and have your mom reply about meds. We did take my dad off of as much as possible. He recently started having grand mal seizures, so had to be started on those meds as you mentioned your father having to take also. It was very scary and new to us. It's "comforting" in a way to know others are experiencing similar things. Perhaps we can continue to share experiences and learn and encourage each other! I truly love how you write, straight from your heart and guided by the Spirit. THANK YOU AGAIN for taking the time to do this! I told my mom on the phone tonight that I think "I stumbled upon this site for a reason". THANK YOU and your Mom for sharing your experience and sharing the pain with me too. It can mean so much to just have someone who can relate. Who seems to understand what you're going through. I will continue to send prayers your way! I am thankful that I accpeted Jesus Christ as my Savior 13 years ago...it's been life changing and He's given me the strength I need for each day, and a love and a peace "that surpasses all understanding", even in hard times. I'm truly grateful! He is priority in my and my families life and through Him I can love more fully and trust that this is all for His greater purpose. I know that had my dad not have made it out of surgery it would have been almost unbearable. There was A LOT of healing that needed to take place on many levels for many people. This is not an "ideal" way to have that happen, but God can work in all circumstances, and He has. There has been a lot of forgiving and healing and relationship building going on. Before my dad's accident he would say "love will prevail" and it has! It really has. The pain, the doubt, the questions, the heartache, the addiction my father struggled with before this (alchoholic who isolated himself from so many people due to shame and guilt and who was a prisoner to his addiction/disease) HE was healed, he's sober for the first time in my whole life. It's bittersweet. I ALMOST have what I've prayed all these years for, a sober father, but now I'm "so close" but so far from that. With his physical disability and his aphasia and inability to speak, it's so hard. My father and I had written letters back and forth and I treasure each of those letters. I reread them and they mean even more to me now than they did then. It's hard. But Through the "storm" I know God is still there, still working and still loving us. I know things will be OK, somehow. I've seen alot of pain and shed alot of tears the past 10 months, but I also have seen so much healing and so much LOVE. I trust that our Father in Heaven knows best. So sorry to ramble!! I know you are so busy! Thank you AGAIN AND AGAIN!! God Bless! Oh, and I absolutely agree with you 100% on being pro-life. God gives life and only He should be the one to take it away. We can't see the "big picture" from where we are with our little view...someday we'll know and I'm sure we'll rejoice that it was GOD in control...and not us! Prayers to your family! THANK YOU!
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