Good-bye Aunt Wendy! We love you and miss you!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah, hallelujah!  She fought a valiant fight and her suffering is done.  My Aunt Wendy is one of my Mom's two siblings and her only sister.  About seven or eight years ago she was diagnosed with leiomyosarcoma (LMS) which is a rare form of cancer.  She had been in pain longer than that and looking for answers.  Yesterday, May 19, she died in her home around her two daughters, her husband and brother.

Aunt Wendy is such an awesome lady.  My parents were able to spend some days in Georgia with her right before she died.  On one of those days I called my Mom's cell phone, and she put me on speaker.  "How are you doing?" I asked.  "Great!  We're doing great and having a lot of fun together!" she said from the couch.  She was always positive and upbeat and brave.  I will miss her a lot!  She is such a beautiful, well mannered, and awesome person and anyone who met here was saying that within seconds. 

She came out in December with my Uncle Neil (their brother) and stayed for a few days.  It was so much fun to see her!  She was in pain, but she carried on cheerfully and took part in everything, including doing a great job being our BINGO caller, and the traditional paper crowns, which come from the Christmas Crackers.  Aunt Wendy just always kept going, only staying down when her tired body literally would not let her move anymore.  She is such a genuinely beautiful person and I will miss her.  I love her!  I love my family so much.  Each person really means a lot to me and I am thankful the Lord has placed us all in the same family tree.

What a blessing is family!

My cousin on the other side, Jenny, said "try explaining your uncle and aunt dying within two weeks of each other to your boss!"  I am glad I don't have a boss to explain that to, but it really has been a month of some difficulty!  Two years ago this month my Aunt Kirsti died, after her valiant, valiant 23 year fight with cancer.  So if things come in three's then we ought to be done with this for a while.

It is interesting just to experience different things in life and have new opportunities for learning and growth.  I have a real firm testimony about death and about the Plan of Salvation and so I have felt peaceful about these happenings.  However, these are people whom I loved my associations with and I am a little melancholy thinking that for this life, that association is over.  But I do believe we will all be reunited one day and be able to pick up those associations once again and continue our progression.

I am thankful for so many wonderful people in my life!  Love to you all and God be with you!

The Frankinator, love you, miss you.

It is so great to belong to the big family of God.  One thing we have in common with everyone is suffering!  Elder Neal A. Maxwell once said "A few individuals may appear to have no trials at all, which, if it were so, would be a trial in itself.  Indeed, if, as do trees, our souls had rings to measure the years of greatest personal growth, the wide rings would likely reflect the years of greatest moisture-but from tears, not rainfall."  He says this in an article titled "Thanks Be To God."  He says that while the Lord has described His great plan of happiness, not one of us is likely to be a stranger to sorrow.

I am just sitting here thinking of all the people I know who endure hard things and do them so well.  This past week we spent in Phoenix where my Uncle "Frankinator" died.  Almost two years ago we were there for the funeral of his wife, my Aunt Kirsti.  Although a sad occasion, it would so nice to be together with my cousins.  All of the suffering they have experienced and witnessed in their young lives and into adulthood!  My Aunt Kirsti was diagnosed with cancer 23ish years before she died from it and had been through as many surgeries. She was amazing at appearing cheerful even when you knew she was in pain.  She was beautiful that way, like my Aunt Wendy who is going through the same thing now.  My uncle and aunt in Phoenix did an inspiring job at carrying on despite the challenges with her health and continued to teach their children good things.  I am so grateful for their lives and examples, and grateful for the lives and examples of their three children, whom I love so much.  I really, really do.  Their sufferings, their lives, their interests and their concerns are all important to me, and I always find myself wishing I was better at really showing others the way I care so much.

When I witness or experience suffering, I pray for the opportunity and blessing of helping other people feel of God's love.  As Elder Maxwell says, Heavenly Father does indeed have a wonderful plan of happiness, but that does not mean we will not experience sorrow.  Joseph Smith was reminded that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, descended below all things.  He was taught that "all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."  I am thankful for that knowledge that somehow these things that seem so sad or that devastate us are somehow designed to make us something better.

I am thankful for my Mom today on Mother's Day and always!  I am thankful for how she is converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and her example of not running away or turning angry and bitter about her challenges with my Dad---and the other ones too!  It is amazing to hear her say, she whose life has been thrown in a whirlwind of hard changes, that she knows these things are the things she needs to experience in order to become what she needs to become.  In short, she is awesome to me!

And finally, to end I want to say that I LOVE being a mother.  Oddly enough, nothing sounds more fun to me than being the "Mommy!" these little people cry for in the middle of the night---or the middle of the store.  I really feel so blessed with the opportunity to hav my own children, and to raise them, to take care of them, and teach them.  Being a wife and mother are the best two things that have happened to me.  I am really thankful I get these experiences, and grateful to enjoy them so much.  Love to all of you, wherever you are and a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to women EVERYWHERE!

Sofie

Today I am thinking about how my Dad really has always been nuts over his Boston Terrier Sofie.  Every time I see him, he will, at some point, sit watching Sofie and will inevitably shake his head and say "That is the best dog in the whole world.  Look at her." 

This morning slicing some bread I made reminded me of how I got that bread knife.  About a year ago my Dad came over with Sofie to visit.  He came in and stayed a while, talked a while about Sofie, we offered him some bread (which he politely turned down) and then left.  Minutes after leaving he called and said "How about I get you a good bread knife and bring it over, then you give me a piece of your bread?"  I told him he could have bread without bringing me a knife but that sounded great!  When he came over with the bread he told us that he pulled up into the parking lot of Target.  He knew he couldn't bring Sofie inside the store.  Positive someone would steal her from his locked, alarm equipped car during the three minutes he was inside, he said he looked around and waited for people to go inside.  When all the people were out of the parking lot, he wrapped her in a blanket so no one would see her, opened the trunk, put her inside, took her out of the blanket and then shut it.  We laughed so hard at him for that!  I can honestly say that as cute and perfect as a dog may be, I have never thought of stealing one from anywhere, let alone a locked car with a set alarm.  I still think he probably looked more suspicious doing that than any of the dog nappers in the area that night.  He really knows he has the most perfect dog ever born!

Dad and Ammon

A couple of growling nerds!

Thanks to Our Father

Thanks to our Father, we will bring
For He gives us everything!
Eyes and ears and hands and feet,
Clothes to wear and food to eat.
Father, mother, baby small,
Heavenly Father gives us all.

-Robert Louis Steveson

"I'm Scott . . ."

There is a man in my ward who had a hemorrhagic stroke three days after my Dad did.  Today at church I was talking to him about his whole ordeal and it is amazing how these things change life for the affected individuals and family members.  My heart really aches for these people and their loved ones.  It really is strange to think of my Dad on July 5, the day before his stroke, and the phone conversations we had and the advice he was giving me.  Then the next day my Dad was in brain surgery.  I am just thankful for every day I have with my family and at the end of each one I hope and pray for another day together of health and strength, of safety and happiness and protection.  I know all these things happen as the Lord sees fit and that He sees the end of everything from before the beginning.  I also know there will be healing of the physical kind!  Actually of every kind but I really look forward to the day when my Dad and this nice man at church will enjoy the use of their brains and bodies again.

Speaking of the man at church with my Dad, he said he would like to talk to him.  I said "Yes, it's helpful to know other people who are in the same situation as you are."  He said "That is the best statement so far on why I want to meet him.  I just want to meet this guy and say 'Look, my name is Scott.  I'm 40 years old (he is really 56) and I have . . . 4-6 kids' and just talk."  It was pretty funny-my Dad actually has five kids plus one son in-law and one daughter in-law, a granddaughter and a grandson.  So I am really not sure why he came up with that range but it was pretty funny.  I am always glad when he realizes what he is saying and can laugh about it too.  He's great!

Who got the milkcow now?

Today I got a fun phone call from my Dad.  He wanted me to help him figure something out that my Mom could not, according to him, figure out at all.  He said "I have this song stuck in my head, Mom says it doesn't exist.  Okay, tell me what this is: (singing) Who got the milkcow now?  Who got the milkcow now?"  I don't know if this could possibly come across in writing as funny as it was on the phone.  But it was really, really funny.  He really insists there is a song with a line in it "Who got the milkcow now?"  So my Madre thinks he is singing "Who Wrote the Book of Love" with the wrong lyrics and I suggested maybe he is thinking of Eric Clapton's "Milkcow Calf Blues."  I don't know if he will ever agree to either one, but the fun of it all has made for a Sunday afternoon treat!






P.S Maybe he is thinking my son "got the milkcow now." 

Lack of Computer! Arrg!

I have not received complaints on my lack of online activity from anyone but me, but boy it is sure different not having a computer around!  We have a P of J (piece of junk) old Dell Laptop from Matt's time at BYU that we keep around from some unknown reason.  Sitting in front of it is something that I only do out of desparation and if I have the time to wait three hours while it loads my e-mail.  Matt is now doing his MBA and the program directors want every student on the same machine.  Really sad when we received word it was . . . ANOTHER DELL!  In an effort not to offend anyone in the universe I will say it may be us (but I doubt it) and the way we use computers (we don't) but we have never liked Dells!  Sad sad sad.  So for once, the computer and I are together at home and all at the same time!  I have had a lot of things I have wanted to sit and write about but no computer to write it on!  Ahhh it's good to be online for a few minutes!

Jeffrey R. Holland-"None Were With Him"

Twice a year we tune into General Conference of the LDS Church.  We get to hear from the leaders of our church both Saturday and Sunday.  It is such a wonderful time when saints all throughout the world gather together to listen to the word of the Lord spoken by His Prophets and Apostles.

I know it is not Easter quite yet, but being in April sure puts me in the mood for it!  Two years ago, Jeffrey R. Holland gave, what I consider, the most soul stirring and heavenly talk on Jesus Christ, his Atonement and Resurrection.  I love it so much, I immediately instigated a family tradition for us each Easter Sunday, which is to gather around and watch this together.  It is entitled "None Were With Him" and was given at the General Conference in April of 2009.  Here are links to it, and I really, really hope anyone reading this will have the time to listen to at least a portion of it.  It is so marvelous, so uplifting, so beautiful and reverent, it moves me to tears every single time I listen to it.  It is the perfect Easter message for everyone, and it is such a comfort to anyone who has suffered in any kind of way.  I consider this talk a gift from Heavenly Father!

To watch:
http://lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/none-were-with-him?lang=eng&media=video

To read and/or:
http://lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/none-were-with-him?lang=eng&media=audio

Any talk can be downloaded to an MP3 player free!

I Feel My Savior's Love

I Feel My Savior's Love, in all the world around me
His Spirit warms my soul through everything I see

I feel my Savior’s love its gentleness enfolds me
And when I kneel to pray my heart is filled with peace

I feel my Savior’s love and know that He will bless me
I offer Him my heart; my shepherd He will be

I’ll share my Savior’s love by serving others freely,
In serving I am blessed, in giving I receive

He knows I will follow Him, give all my life to Him
I feel my Savior’s love, the love He freely gives me.

Sweater trouble and its no April fool's day joke

No idea why this past week got too busy for me to sit down and write the things I have been wanting to! 

First of all I want to say the Webb family is in my prayers and on my mind.  I was so sorry to hear of another huge event in the lives of the health of their family.  I have always admired my Mom's good friend Pat and her unwavering positive attitude and faith!  I hope and pray for a speedy recovery there!

A couple days ago I went to see my Dad.  I sent him off to get out of his PJ's so we could go check out a house my brother is planning to buy.  Got to say it was hilarious when he came in looking like this:

 This is a zip up hoodie and he couldn't figure out how to get it on.  I did tell him to pose for the picture.  The face he actually had when he came to say he needed sweater help was a big smile.  He thought it was funny too, thank goodness!  He was wearing it with his PJ's when he went off to get dressed so I guess he must have pulled it off right over his head!  I love my Dad!  He is so adorable!

Poem by Mom

To Get Knowledge and Wisdom 

To get knowledge and wisdom

is suffering, which to mortality

seems a bitter cost

We have heard, and we believe,

the price is worthy

We have watched our Good Shepherd King

suffer for us and

we know He has arisen after all

mortality could combine

So we suspend our perceptions,

believing there is other than

what flesh can measure or comprehend,

what flesh can calculate,

and wait, flickering on the thin rim

of silence, sensing

all is well

 

Kim W Smith

Party time!

Back in February we had a great time with my Dad's family!  We got together at a church, ate dinner and played BINGO.  Our beginnings with BINGO go way back!  My family has Thanksgiving with my Aunt Susan's family every year and we started the BINGO tradition I think about 23 years ago.  We load up on dollar store and DI prizes and have a great, great time playing.  I don't know if I look forward more to the food at Thanksgiving or the BINGO.  My Dad has been our traditional caller, but last year was the first time someone else (ended up being me) had to do it.  He used to buy tons of Kit-Kats and stack them up like a pyramind and throw them out during the rounds of BINGO.  It is such a fun memory! 

Anyway, here are a few of the pictures I have from that party.  My cousin Jane e-mailed them (thanks Jane!) and I was so sorry to realize I didn't bring my own camera. 

It is great to be around your family.  I always think of it as a gift to be with the people I love and to be together under happy (and delicious) circumstances.  Great food, great games, and great people!  It is the best!  I know when Heavenly Father set up the family unit He was giving us the best thing to be part of on this earth.  I am so thankful to belong to a family of people who all love each other.

"Come Unto Me"

An excerpt from a talk given by Jeffrey R. Holland entitled "Come Unto Me". 
 
Consider the Savior's benediction upon his disciples even as he moved toward the pain and agony of Gethsemane and Calvary. On that very night, the night of the greatest suffering the world has ever known or ever will know, he said, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. . . . Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (John 14:27).
 
I submit to you that may be one of the Savior's commandments that is almost universally disobeyed; and yet I wonder whether our resistance to this invitation could be any more grievous to the Lord's merciful heart. I can tell you this as a parent: As concerned as I would be if somewhere in their lives one of my children were seriously troubled or unhappy or disobedient, nevertheless I would be infinitely more devastated if I felt that at such a time that child could not trust me to help, or should feel his or her interest were unimportant to me or unsafe in my care. In that same spirit, I am convinced that none of us can appreciate how deeply it wounds the loving heart of the Savior of the world when he finds that his people do not feel confident in his care or secure in his hands or trust in his commandments.

There is peace for troubled hearts

This is my Dad.  I feel so proud of him!  This man has been through so much! He was hit by a drunk driver about 21ish years ago and has suffered through permanent consuquences.  Two failed ablations, both of which resulted in more permanent health consequences.  He has gone through ARDS which again was brought on not by himself.  Then a massive hemorrhagic stroke. And epilepsy.  And----well that list is bad enough.  But tonight as I was visiting with my Dad, I was really struck by how incredible it is that even after all that, he can still sit and laugh at jokes, he will still go out and talk to people, he still does things!  I am amazed! 

We were talking tonight how believers in Christ will see something happen and hopefully will recognize it as a miracle while those who aren't believers will see a miracle and may only call it a coincedence.  I am so thankful to have a testimony of Jesus Christ and I am grateful for the daily miracles in all our lives!  I am thankful to belong to parents who recognize that He blesses us with those daily miracles.  I am absolutely certain it is impossible for me in my mortal state to recognize completely all He does, but I know and I testify of His involvement in our everyday lives.  I firmly believe there is eternal consuqeunce and relevance in our every-day lives.  I know the choices I make today are important for my future, but I also know that I am not expected to be perfect.  But our perfect Father in Heaven and our Savior Jesus Christ provided a perfect plan for each individual with the opportunity to repent. 

I know my Dad's life does matter to Heavenly Father and it certainly matters to me!  Even though my Dad can't do what he used to do I know there is purpose and happiness and joy to be felt in his life.  As I look at my blog and see the google search terms that lead some people to it, I feel a little like crying for some of them!  One person who visited several pages on my blog found it by typing "People who have watched loved ones suffer hemorrhagic stroke".  I don't know who that is, of course, but I pray for you!  I don't understand strokes, I don't understand why we can send rockets to Mars but we can't fix a brain.  I know that our Lord knows all the answers and does have the power to heal, and that we have to figure out how to get through each day, and hopefully with cheer, while we wait.

I want to tell you that you are not alone in your suffering.  Your Father in Heaven hears your prayers and He knows the thoughts and intents of your heart.  He sent His Son, Jesus Christ--the only Begotten!--to Atone for the pains of mortality.  It is hard and it is shattering sometimes, but it is worth it to press on and trust in the Lord.  The comfort available through trust on the Lord is incredible.  His yoke is easy, and His burden is light!  He calls "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest".  I believe that is true.  Please call on the name of Jesus Christ in your trials, in your suffering.  He will heal the wounded soul.  He truly can!

I am thankful I get to keep this blog.  Really even if it is only so that I will sit down once in a while and write out my testimony of the Savior then it is worth it for me.  I do love Jesus Christ, I am thankful to be a Christian and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am thankful I was able to gain my testimony by sincerely praying and asking and that is the way for anyone who wants to know to find out for themselves.

Thanks for reading!  A lot of love to you all and good night!